[rabbitmq-discuss] another question on cookies version 3.0.4

Wed May 1 14:15:01 BST 2013

If I start the server with 

rabbitmq-server -setcookie vanilla

I find myself unable to stop the server with rabbitmqctl stop_app

I can't seem to pass the cookie  value to rabbitmqctl  so when it later tries to talk to it perhaps via 
rabbitmqctl status

it will tell me it cannot communicate with the server .

However if I start the server with no cookie (rabbitmq-server) , then I can do a rabbitmqctl status

so my questions are:
1) How does one normally start the server?
2) my reason for wanting to do cookies is I wanted to setup a multi node cluster (different servers)
    If I start a server (no parameters) on each server the cookie hash is different.
3) I have looked at the clustering guide but haven't succeeded in a setup using it.  How does one normally synchronize the cookies across servers?
4) where is the cookie file stored?   I found one on the rabbitmq user's root directory.   Is that where it is stored?
5) If I have to set a cookie value, is there a config file where it can be set (or env variable?) and what is the syntax to set it?

Thanks